Supermarket protocol

There’s something irritatingly lacking regarding supermarkets these days, both in store and in the parking lot, and it’s something that appears to escalating. No one seems to have any manners anymore! Since when did the weekly shopping trip turn into every man/woman for his/her self? Could “supermarket rage” be waiting just around in the next aisle?

But before we get to that point I’d like to mention a few things that maybe the less thoughtful among us might like to take on board.

For starters, the Express checkout is exactly that. If you are pushing a trolley containing more than a handful of items then the Express checkout is not for you. Seriously, people with just a few items are going to object to you being in the line with a half-full trolley, especially those lined up behind you and as restraint is fast becoming a thing of the past you may find yourself on the receiving end of frozen chook to the face or something. Should this ever happen to you then you need to face up to the fact that it was Your Own Fault! Take it to one of the other checkouts in future, okay!

Secondly, no one appreciates being rammed repeatedly (or even just the once for that matter) with a trolley in the hands of a child who is acutely distressed over whatever it is you said “No” to. If you have a kiddie who’s prone to ramming random shoppers for whatever reason, please don’t bring it with you when you shop. Should you have to because you cannot coerce anyone into looking after it for you, try tethering it to the railing outside or something. Explain to Child Services that the kiddie is just going through that pretending-to-be-a-dog phase and actually attached itself to that rail. Instruct your lawyer to go into a lot more detail if you find yourself having to explain it all to a magistrate somewhere down the line.

While on the subject of children; the shelving units are not climbing frames nor are the items on them designed to be swept to the floor or used as missiles. Bear in mind that liquid things in glass jars splatter when the glass shatters and other shoppers within splattering range may react unfavourably. You can guarantee it actually.

Parking yourself in front of a shelf and refusing to move to allow another shopper to access the contents is not very polite. What they say or do to you as a result probably won’t be either but hey, what did you expect? When it comes to the crunch, if they really want that item they will either go through you or over you to get it. So why not just move, huh?

If something’s on a really good special, do you really have to grab the entire shelf stock? Chances are you actually don’t need five dozen cans of pickled sweet chilli celery sticks but a couple of other shoppers may have wanted at least a can or two. A little consideration can go a long way towards saving you from being mugged on your way past the frozen foods because those couple of other shoppers have tracked you down, man!

Queue jumping is another no-no. Regardless of how stealthily you inch yourself into the line, you can rest assured that the shopper you have cut in on is going to notice. And if they have brought their trolley-ramming child into the supermarket with them…

Outside in the parking lot you may have noticed the reasonably-sized rectangular spaces that are marked out side by side in straight rows throughout the area. These are car-parking spaces and under no circumstances should they be mistaken for trolley bays. The trolley bays are those narrow strips between the metal rails with the signs that say “Trolley Bay”. They are where you are supposed to place your trolley when you have finished loading your shopping into your vehicle. If the space beside your vehicle dos not have metal rails and a sign saying “Trolley Bay” then you can be certain it is another car space. Leaving your empty trolley in the middle of it prevents another shopper from parking there. The other shopper catching you in the act of dumping it just as they are about to turn into that space could lead to an unpleasant altercation and if they are still in their car and you aren’t in yours…trust me, they will win.

And finally, carparks inevitably have an “In” and an “Out”. If the huge four-wheel-drive vehicle entering the parking lot via the correct access totally annihilates you and your little hatchback because you decided to go out via the “In” then that’s also Your Fault. Even if they manage to miss hitting you, they may decide to chuck a u-ey and come after you and, when they catch you, will proceed to annihilate you and your little hatchback. And you could have avoided it all had you just gone out through the “Out”.

Some food for though, huh?