Naked Truths

When is it going to click with everyone that you just can’t trust anyone (including yourself it would seem) with pics and/or videos of you in the altogether? What on earth makes you think they’re going to remain private! Regardless of who took them, it is almost inevitable that your revealing photoshoot is going to find its way onto a phone or computer somewhere and before you can say “OMG! No one was supposed to even see those!” you are going to end up getting your 15 minutes whether you want them or not!

It seems to be a fact of life these days. People who take the pics themselves inevitably want to share them with someone who will want to share them with lots of other someones etc, etc,  and if it’s someone else behind the lens, well…same thing, but I don’t think it’s really the most desirable way to become a famous internet or otherwise sensation and if you think it is then just wait until it happens and see how you feel then. Trust me hon, should those nudie shots go viral you may have some serious second thoughts about having your naked smiling self out there but by then it’s way, way too late and the damage is like, so done!  Then you can be absolutely sure that sooner or later, but probably sooner, everyone from your siblings to your parents, your boss and even Aunty Doris (everyone has an Aunty Doris, even if her name is Joan or Evangeline) are going to hear about them and eventually see them and it probably won’t work in your favour.

The heads-up is that they’ll be far from delighted and you can spout “artistic” and “tastefully done” until you’re blue in the face but it won’t make a shred of difference. You could try and bluff your way out of it by claiming that it just isn’t you in those shots but hey, anyone who knows you well is going to know it is.  Sobbing hysterically and swearing blind that you had no idea anyone could be so crass as to put them online probably won’t cut it either as you did pose for them after all and common sense should have told you otherwise.

Is it clicking with you yet? No? Okay then, as well as your family being very peed off with you, your Significant Other (if they weren’t in on the shoot, let alone the posting) may also get a tad antsy and could even take it a bit further and walk and then one morning your boss will call you in to his/her office to advise you that your position with the company has been terminated and you can leave immediately.

But aside from the above there’s also the embarrassment. Seriously, you will so wish you had never shed your gear for those shots and will spend an awfully long time trying to live them down and if you were sharing space in those shots with another and…well…doing things… you may as well crawl under the doona now and just stay there for the rest of your life. It’s what you’ll feel like doing anyway.

So now do you get it? Never take shots like that of yourself and never, ever, ever let anyone else take shots like that of you no matter what they say about keeping the images “just between us”. They won’t okay! In today’s world of speedy electronic transfer, naked you could go international in seconds but the aftermath will linger for a lot longer and the fallout could be catastrophic.

Now, are we clear on this? Are we sure? Right! Then put your bloody clothes on and go home!