A lot of families will not be doing the Big Family Christmas thingy this year, social distancing not being consistent with packing the crowd of assorted parents, grandparents, siblings, kids, aunts, uncles and cousins into the one house anymore. Some families will feel genuinely despondent about that, but others will be secretly contemplating the bliss of not having to deal with the dramas that inevitably punctuate all the peace and goodwill etc, etc, that is supposed to be the tone of the day.
They will be spared the soap opera that airs every year, without fail, when the family congregates. Like the animosity from Nana Hortense, who has never approved of Aunty Beryl, (“Alan could have done so much better!”) and after two and a half shandies begins speak her mind. Or Cousin Sharon who experiments with a new lifestyle every year while searching for her “true self”. She’s thirty eight and apparently still searching. Last Christmas she had been trending a version of grunge/punk and calling herself Rabid (or was it Raven?) Something like that anyway.
“For goodness sake, Sharon!” her father had snapped when they’d arrived around the same time, last year, at the suburban abode of Aunty Janet and Uncle Ted “Get that bloody safety pin out of your nose! You know it upsets your mother!”
Then there’s the assorted children, some feral, some reasonably civilised, the teens who haven’t see each other since the Christmas before (and would rather be anywhere but hanging out with the relatives) eyeing each others’ clothes and gadgetry while making adolescent judgements, and the general hubbub of a large family gathering where any tensions simmering in the background inevitably escalate over the Christmas Dinner table.
And, thankfully, no one will have to deal with Uncle Alf (who is actually no relation to anyone at all) having one too many after dinner brandies and then trying to corral much younger females into position under the sprig of mistletoe… Yes, some families are definitely going to have a break this year.
Of course, this is not to say that all families are like that. Some are really close and love getting everyone together to celebrate Christmas. No one starts in on anyone else, the kids are all friends, Christmas Dinner goes down a treat and it’s an all-round lovely day.
But there’s enough of the other kind to throw a spanner in the works of the whole Family Christmas thingy. Which is why COVID might be a blessing in disguise! And whoever got lumbered with hosting the family for Christmas Day can happily suggest a virtual get-together via Zoom without a shred of guilt. Nana Hortense can knock herself out with the shandies, Aunty Beryl can click out of the whole thing when Nana gets started, and Cousin Sharon can be whoever she is this Christmas, from her own lounge room. Sharon, we hear, has gone all boho now (currently living in a coastal tree house community,) so when she accidentally sets herself alight via a floaty sleeve drifting too close to a patchouli-scented candle (thank goodness for that pitcher of kale-infused mineral vitamin water!) at least the incident takes place on her rug, not yours.
“For goodness sake, Sharon!” her father bellows from a little square on the lower left of the screen “Get rid of those bloody candles before you burn the place down!”
“But I’m channelling the Ancient Spirit of pre-Christian Yule! And, as I’ve already told you, my name is Wind Song now…”
“Oh, well that’s just typical! Now you’ve upset your mother!!”
“Well what can you expect, Alan!” chips in Nana. “With a mother like Beryl and all!” Geez! Just how many shandies has Nana had?
You can almost feel sorry for Sharon though, but you’re also quietly thanking the Universe for sparing you from Family Christmas Gathering 2020 because it was supposed to be at your place this year and with the kind of year we’ve all just had…
Thank you COVID!